Virginity

I got to see an old friend of mine. We used to work together and we would go for lunch and have God talks. She went to a college that made Bob Jones University look liberal. I was raised devout Unitarian. Not a likely coupling of friends but we were good friends. She was a virgin on her wedding night. She was 25. Of course, I was a virgin on my wedding night too, sort of. Well, I felt like a virgin and I probably hummed Madonna songs. I was a virgin in a 16 weeks pregnant kind of way. Back to my friend: She quickly became pregnant and quit her job and we lost touch right around the time I had Noodle. I didn't want to, we had great talks. She is very smart and articulate. Although she is a Christian conservative and I am a liberal agnostic we connected and transcended the tags that would have normally kept us apart.
Five years pass. I was in the health food store about 2 months ago and I heard 'Arwen' and there she was. She had 3 beautiful children. We exchanged numbers and email and talked for about 45 minutes (much to her children's annoyance). I told her how Noodle and Hubby are great and we moved and we are one happy family. She told me she was separated from her husband but she felt great. We arranged a play date (because that's what mommies do!). One thing led to another and we had to keep postponing. One of her emails mentioned that her sister had sold her house and she helped her move. Except I thought her sister had a different name so I asked (via email). She told me I was a little mistaken; the woman I thought was her sister was actually her lesbian partner. I responded by asking her if James Dobson knew about this. (This was a few weeks before both Foley and Haggart). We finally got to see each other this last Wednesday and talked for about 4 hours. Hubby monitored the girls (they play well together) and we talked about everything. We discussed that she is very comfortable about her sexuality despite her upbringing. She told me her sister is afraid to leave her kids with her and how painful the ignorance around her can be (heaven forbid, she might be a pedophile). She told me about the countless letters she has received form people who 'love' her and want her to turn her back from her Godless path. She told me how there are 5 passages in the bible that reference homosexuality in some way and she actually thinks there are different translations (I will take her word on this, I don’t know the Bible the way she does). She told me how she thought she was in the minority before (being a virgin on her wedding night) but now she really was. Now she is a Christian, conservative lesbian. More than one of my friends has suggested that maybe she would have been more informed about her sexuality if she had not been a virgin on her wedding night. I don't think she is necessarily a lesbian though. I think she happens to love this one person very much and this person happens to be a woman. Even she isn't sure because she is so innocent when it comes to sexuality. This then leads me to two questions: Is the moniker ‘lesbian’ accurate in this situation? If she had been given the freedom to think about her sexuality (I am not saying act, I am saying THINK) would it have changed her path? She was told to be a good girl, she was told to wait for her husband, she was told to be a dutiful wife because that would get her closer to heaven (they married right after the Southern Baptist Convention decided women are second class citizens (again): women only understand God through fathers and husbands, can't be ministers or preachers, they should only work in the home, should stay in missionary position, etc...). She was told that by marrying a man (who ended up being as emotionally inattentive as one of her parents) that she would find happiness, if she would just find God in that union. These were lies. She found happiness with a woman. A christian, conservative woman. She is happy and her children are loved and being taken care of. Now she gets to unearth the truth of love, her love for God and her love for her partner.