Fathers, in 4 Parts

This is my contribution to the Father's Day Boggect that Kara is putting together. I had one mom but I have 4 very important dads for four very different reasons.
Father 1 - The Shakeperean Tragedy
My mom and my dad had me and my brother a little bit later in life. They both wanted kids, thought about their prospects and chose eachother. Once they had my brother and me, they realized they didn't really like each other and proceeded to fight for 4 years, often drunk. That is my memory of being a young child, the fighting. It broke my mother's heart when she asked me as an adult what I remembered and I told her that. My father never asked. My father died when I was 25 physically but in many ways had been killing himself for years. I see him as the Shakesperean tragic figure, the guy from the movie Falling Down, the brilliant, flawed man. He, by everyone's account, was given a short end of a stick pretty much from birth by his father. I think getting beaten down (figuratively) for the first 25 years of your life can really screw someone up. He tried to do what he though he was supposed to do: for a long time he held a job, he had a family, but then he lost the job and basically lost the family. When I was 20 he tried to kill himself, when I was 25, he succeeded. Needless to say I have a lot of mixed feelings about my dad but I can tell you this: he loved me with everything he had, I never doubted that. He also taught me that life may throw a lot of crap your way and you can either react or act to it. If you wait too long to act instead of react it gets harder and harder to act.
Step-Father 1: This is What Relationships Are About
My first step father was a guy named Hugh and he was VERY different than my dad in some ways and very much the same in others. He was the same in these ways: he loved me a bunch, he was very smart, he was sciency (my dad was an industrial chemist, Hugh was an Engineer). Here is how he was different: he didn't let tragedy overwhelm him, he taught me how to behave in a relationship, and he supported my decisions as a young adult. He is the reason I don't think parents should always stick it out, that divorce can be ok. If my parents had tried to stay together my brother and I would have grown up in an emotionally violent world. I want to say I didn't like the guy for a very long time. As a kid I saw him like this: he was this guy, in our house and my mom paid more attention to him than me (I was about 8 so I can sound like a impetuous little kid). It took until I was about 15 to realize he wasn't the evil step-father. Right around the time I realized he was ok he got cancer. When my mom married Hugh I was able to see how a relationship can be. He wrote my mom little love notes and left them in places for her to find, it was so sweet. They had issues, they fought, and then they worked it out. I saw him as an interloper for a long time, and unfortunately, by the time I realized he was cool he became sick. He was also very loving to me eventhough I was basically a brat to him and my mom for years. In a lot of ways I know that my daughter's adolescence will be ok because I had a good teacher.
Step-Father 2: The Walking Russian Novel
My first step-father passed away in 1989, I was 17 at the time. Ten years later my mother met and eloped with Jacob, whom my mother nicknamed her 'walking russian novel.' I have blogged about him before, he is a wonderful man and a fantastic addition to our lives. One month after they eloped she was diagnosed with leukemia. That sucks, there is no other way to dissect it. I will be honest, when they were first together I sort of thought 'Hmmm, Ok, some guy, I hope he doesn't get in the way of my relationship with my mom.' He never did, he added to our relationship and he was so supportive of my mom. Although I didn't refer to him as my step-father until after my mother died, I realized he really is that. I will always stay in touch with him and I love to see him and talk with him. He adds value to our lives just by being him. He is funny and insightful. He has moved back to San Francisco and we are looking for a condo for him to live in. This has made me a little sad, I wanted him to move to Asheville, but I support his decision and now we have a reason to go to San Fancisco every year! Yeah! I love that city. I hope he comes to visit us too, since, you know, planes fly both ways (hint-hint)*.
Father 4 - Daddy Bear
The final father is Noodle's father, my spouse. I wax poetic about him all the time because basically, I couldn't have lucked into a better father for my daughter. He is smart, thoughtful, patient, funny. He is overprotective of me and Noodle. Noodle totally takes her dad for granted and he lets her, he doesn't get pissy when she refuses to hug him or doesn't want to play with him. He loves her so much and he is demonstrative about his affection, he allows her to figure out what she wants to learn and shows her everything he can. When she turns into the Tasmanian Devil he almost never loses his patience, even when she is kicking and biting him. My kid has got it good. I hope when she is older she understands this. Since day 1 we have have always had dinner together, almost never in front of the TV. This was his idea and I agreed with it. Now it comes out that families that do this are far less often dealing with all the evils that adolescence can stir up. He innately gets family (eventhough his family are a bunch of whack jobs). I am so thankful he is the man he is, and the father he is. Yeah, Daddy Bear!

*He reads my blog.