What is that sinking feeling in my stomach?

Today was a weird day for my blog. Normally I take the weekends off and so do my 12 trusty readers. So my statcounter goes kind of wonky where Tuesday and Wednesday I get hundreds of hits and then on the weekends I gets about 8. Often people are searching about cat urine being toxic and sometimes I get some weird ones about e.l.f s.e.x, but hey, too each their own. Today I got a gazillion (which is more than a google, and I hope you all knew that a google was a number and not just a website). Same URL over and over reading everything, back to January. An that's is just a little weird for me because I am not that interesting I tend to keep this for myself. My family and friends can always find out what is going on with me and I can use my user ID to leave comments over at Kara's. Oh, and I have become friendly with some really cool people which is a fringe benefit (I hope you got that, Kristen). But the IP address was a prep school and I can't imagine a teenager would be interested. So I start sluething. I know a lot of smart people and some of them have taught at different prep schools so I thought it might be a friend. I click on the staff link and almost right away I see a name I never thought I would come across again.
And voila, a knot in my stomach formed. The same nauseous feeling that I had 17 years ago came back like it never left.
One time my husband asked me if there were any ex's I wasn't friendly with (he was amazed I seem to be friendly with so many, not really tight, just amicable). I told him yes, there was one. I told him I was so angry at this ex I poured honey inside his truck. I told my husband that it was a sucky time in my life and I did some horrible things to this individual. I saw red all the time when I was 18.
The sinking feeling in my stomach is guilt, not unrequitted love.
If this individual reads this blog again I hope he can accept this: I am sorry, I am sorry for causing you the amount of pain I did and I am sorry I poured honey in your truck and I am sorry I could not have been a better person at that point in my life. You received the brunt of Hurricane Ari and I look back at that point in my life with incredible shame. Please accept my apology.
Sincerely.