My Uncle has a term: 'yoked', which means you work for 'the man' and you work for something that seems pretty pointless. Teachers aren't yoked, nor are doctors. Some lawyers are and some aren't. Clergy, in his mind, aren't although he isn't religious. The only point of being yoked is to pay rent.
I am yoked. Today was my first day back to work out side the home. I think I actually felt the yoke on shoulders today.
Donald Hall wrote an intersting book on the premise of Life Work. It is a great book to read, very inspirational. I am not doing my life work yet. I am not sure what that work will even be. I am doing the things that put food on my family's table.
I am making the sacrifices I need to so that we live comfortably. I am doing this so that my husband can build his business. In doing so, maybe one day, I will not have to do this because I supported him now.
I just wonder how long I have to do this. I wonder how long I have sell my soul and lose my dreams and miss my daughter day after day. I think about all the things I wold rather do than what I do now, all of them involve sleeping in my own bed every night (even with Hubby snoring loudly). I don't see how I will ever get to those dreams. Today I was in a meeting talking with my clients about 'legacy systems.' I explained how often many small disparate systems cause inefficiencies and duplicate work for a company but that those inefficiencies become efficient over time. People get used to and become efficient at the inefficient system. Instead of trying to fix the problem the company builds and builds on what employees of the company insist 'has to be the way it is.' By the time a company like mine comes in to redesign the business and implement an ERP system (enterprise resource planning) the company has a mess. But then I thought: Is my life much different than this? I leave my home and travel because I have a dozen reasons to do what I do. And I think to myself 'the sacrifice I make is for the security of my family.' Am I becoming efficient at the inefficiencies of our lifestyle? Companies call in ERP and business consultants because, although certain employees can do their job efficiently, overall there is a MAJOR problem with their legacy system: like the company cannot show true financial statements. How much farther will I go before I have to call in big guns* and say I just can't do it anymore? Since I am such a skeptic I can't imagine I will even take anyone seriously that offer services that I am thinking I need. No answers tonight.
*A client actually referred to me as a big gun one time. I thought that was pretty funny.
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2 comments:
This is the stuff of confusion and nervous breakdowns. There are no good answers that I've found.
SIGH.
I've always thought that the standard 8+ hr day, the 40 hr work week is nonsensical. What is more important than just spending time with other people. (In france, people have a much more relaxed work ethic) - wouldnt we all be in a better place. I had to leave a job I found fulfilling and gratifying - because some idiots who thought they were qualified to operate the universe decided to step in and fix them (they were destructive in the end..not just my view either)
I was reading an article by a Thai monk, Achaan Chaa, who said something that really made me think - and it connects to your post -
"Everything you do in your life is your chance to practice. It is all dharma. When you are doing your chores here is a chance to be mindful. If you are emptying a spitton or cleaning a toilet don't feel you are doing it as a favor for anyone else. There is Dharma in emptying spittoons."
What I think he is saying is that we dont need huge spiritual retreats or experiences (etc) to feel fulfilled. All the material for that to happen is already in front of us.
I appreciate that view. Since, I will (hopefully) be "yoked" sooner or later!
Take care
Heather
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